i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
