Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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