Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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