It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
