we have pet lesbian snakes
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize