Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm like, not good at living.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
