I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
