I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Send help, water and tortillas.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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