I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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