I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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