sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
