I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
