You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize