I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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