The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize