I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
