2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
