I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
