plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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