I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
