I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
