we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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