Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
