don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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