How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Randomize
