Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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