So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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