Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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