I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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