I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
