I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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