My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
