please come you make the beer taste better
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
