Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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