batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
if only i could text you this smell
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
