The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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