Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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