i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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