I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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