stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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