Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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