I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
