You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
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