Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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