So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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