I saw his package. It spoke to me.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
