I don't usually arrange sex via text message
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
We need to rekindle our bromance
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
