Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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