it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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