everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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