would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
