Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
