that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
