Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
