I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
