my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
