I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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