He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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