whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
