I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
