Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
i believe in u and ur pee
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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