the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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