I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
