what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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