I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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