It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
